I had the honor of meeting Dr. Shefali who is my inspiration regarding parenting. When listening to Dr. Shefali it is eminent that we understand that it’s not about changing our child but it is imperative we change ourselves. We need to shed our baggage, our past experience in order to become a conscious parent. To fully understand our child we need to be aware of our trigger points and process any given moment for what it is. As parents it’s imperative that we take a second and realize every situation on hand for the reality it is and not what we wish it to be. Our children are telling us what they need from us, we must stop reflecting onto them what we aspire, wish or want them to be, they cannot become the person we fantasize for them.
Her latest book, THE AWAKENED FAMILY, gives us daily skills and tools to revolutionize our families and our parenting skills. This book holds the potential to liberate both your child and yourself from the clutches of anxiety leading you toward a transformed sense of peace and joy. What if you could put an end to all of your parenting struggles, learn to parent without fear or anxiety, end conflict with your children and create close and connected relationships within your family?
I highly recommend purchasing her new book and if at all possible attend one of her speaking engagements. Everything is a learning process and one of the things I've come to appreciate when reading her books, hearing Dr. Shefali speak, it's up to me as an individual, the parent to recognize and adapt to my child, not the other way around. Throughout the book Dr. Shefali gives us multiple examples that parents can relate to and most importantly tools to utilize raising happy, healthy children.
I had the pleasure of asking Dr. Shefali a few questions regarding parenting and her answers were poignant.
Kathy: What do you say to parents who are co-parenting? When one parent "parents" the Shefali way and the other is the exact opposite.
Dr. Shefali: This is very common. I always say, "one conscious parent is better than none." No two people are going to evolve at the same rate or in the same way. So while it is not convenient that there are two parenting styles and can be downright conflictive, it is important for that one parent - who is on the path - to move forward nonetheless. Soon, through the light of their evolution they will be able to bring peace in the home.
Kathy: What would you say to the parent that still thinks children shouldn't have a voice?
Dr. Shefali: This path is not for everyone. It is a path of evolution and therefore, not designed for those who wish to be stuck in old ways of being. I plant seeds of awareness and then wait for them to bear fruit. Shoving this message down unwilling throats will only cause greater resistance.
Kathy: If you had to choose 3 pieces of advice to give to a parent that's co-parenting what would it be?
Dr. Shefali: Stay non- reactive even when the other has an approach that runs contrary to yours. If you don't you add fuel to the fire.
You don't need permission or company on the path of consciousness. Keep surging forth on your own.
Your child needs you to be as conscious as you can possibly be. It is your job to raise yourself so you can best raise your kids.
Kathy: What are the most important things that a child needs to grow up healthy and happy?
Dr. Shefali: One parent at least who is mature, emotionally literate, and attuned to their needs without using their children to fill their own cup.
Kathy: How would you recommend parents to collaborate so their synergy may be in sync?
Dr. Shefali: They need to treat the partnership as a business of sorts; have weekly meetings, give 360 degree feedback to each other and take care of themselves on their own so they don't have unrealistic expectations of the other.
Thank you Dr. Shefali for everything! I look forward to our next journey. Xo