Bringing financial ruin to feed your ego?
Bringing financial ruin to justify you're own needs? Why the need to re-write history? Why tell stories that you have concocted in your mind? To make yourself look better, the victim, show how bad your ex is? Or is it because you're ashamed of your own guilt, your own actions? You haven't been their for your child, you fight with your ex creating turmoil, constantly having your attorney write letters, or falsely accusing your ex of lies by spreading rumors, etc, what ever your ammunition is, stop. Lets gloss over what you have done or lack of with your child, have you tried swallowing your pride and reaching out to your ex and saying, "hey, I want to put aside all the BS and move forward and build relationship with our child'. Have you done this? I promise you if you call your ex like a mature adult and say, I know what I've done, I'm sorry for spreading the rumors and lies about what has occurred and I want to move on, GUESS what, your ex will say and should say, YES. The relationship you are forming with the other parent will not be of an intimate nature. I'm not talking about being buddies but two people who want to co-parent for the sake of their child, the greater good. Basically two adults behaving as such will not only be healthy for the adults but for the child, this is win win for everyone. Place your anger, your hurt, your own faults that you're refelcting and place it aside. Why does this ned to be high conflict? Why do you have to financially bankrupt your ex with court, attorneys fees, mediators, etc? That money that everyone is spending could be used towards your child. What satisfaction do you get from tormenting, fighting, having a push pull relationship with your ex, the parent of your child? Try to understand, your ex doesnt want to fight with you, your exs goal is to raise your child as happy, healthy and unscathed by two parent household as much as they can. Stop for one second and think of it like this, you and your partner were married or in a partnership that resulted in a relationship that was filled with love, hope and promise. As time passes the relationship breaks down and the unforseen occurs, the inevitable break up. The break up is the death of a relationship, you two will begin the mourning period of the death of a relationship. Some handle it in stride, some in anger, others in avoidence, however you handle it, in the end its the same result, sadness. Once you've overcome the rollercoaster of emotions then you try to find some peace, normalcy and move on. Now factor in children, the mouring period has now become super short and or you never deal with it head on because you have to pull it together for your child(ren). There is no, let me heal in months, now its, I need to pull it together by 3 before school gets out. The last thing your ex wants is to deal with emotional manuplation, hate, anger and your twist on the truth. Your ex, all they want is to keep the peace, raise your child you share together in harmony and peace. They want to foster a healthy relationship, they want to get along with you. No, they don't want to be in a relationship with you, don't confuse kindness for wanting to rekindle your relationship. Their kindness is purely their because of the child you two share. They want to teach your child that it is possible for mommy and daddy to be friends, to get along for the better interest of said child. That if you put your mind to it, set ego aside, that the adults can actually be adults and raise a child together even though it's not in one household. So the next time your feeling particularly pissed off and want to start a war with your ex, STOP........ Stop for one second, think to yourself, "will this help my child.". If the answer is no, then don't do it. Whatever you do to your ex will indirectly impact your child, children are innocent, we have no right to rob them of their childhood. So please put aside all ill feelings, anger, hurt, resentment and treat one another with respect. Open the lines of communication, I promise you once your truthful, respectful, working as a team, you will find peace, glory and co-parenting will be rewarding. Just remember when co-parenting begins that means the lines of communication are open. That means in today's world you'll get a quick text, email, or a phone call with updates of your child. How they are doing in school, little league, soccer, music class, etcetera. You two as parents will start communicating which means you can't let anyone destroy this communication. Not your current partner, not your inner circle of family member(s), grandparents, friends, no one. This relationship is strictly for the benefit of your child, that's the one and only person that matters! I'll leave you food for thought, your ex WANTS to share their joy of the child you share. They want to let you know your child triumphs, joy, sadness and success. Not because for any other reason other then the fact that they love their child, you two share that love in common. Your child's daily growth, struggles, is and should be both of yours. Foster a healthy relationship with your ex, I promise you'll raise a child that will not need to recover from their childhood and make you proud.