• Kathy Copcutt

Child Bully = Narcissistic Adult


This weeks blog was going to be about coparenting with a narcissistic parent however when I was at the park this weekend it dawned on me that narcissism isn't a behavior that's learned overnight, a narcissist is groomed as a child. Reading this article two very different emotions will be evoked, either you'll agree, or you'll think I'm a horrible person for vocalizing this subject, and no, I'm just that one person voicing what others are to intimidated to do. We live in an era that the slightest comment brings offense. The truth is an inconvenience and the lie is comfortable. Our parenting style predict a childs well being in a number of areas, including social skills, scholastic performance and the degree of problem behavior. If you're the passive parent and let things slide by, your child will think they are entitled to do whatever they want, including bullying other children. We've all been to the playground with our children but have you really watched others and their kids. How kids play, interact, et cetera, the play ground is the best place to observe social skills. This is where you see each child's core personality. You'll discover the soft hearted child, an adventurous child, the watchful one, and much more. As well you'll witness the troubled child, the bully, the aggressor, the one that doesn't care who's there, they see other children as obstacles almost as barriers or worse they see them as punching bags to let out their frustrations. What's even more fascinating you'll see the different types of parenting styles. If your an overly cautious parent have you noticed your child is also, adrenaline junkie, your child takes risks, hovering parent, your child is always trying to do better to please you, there are many different parenting types which are all great, we can all learn bits and pieces from the eclectic styles and incorporate them in our own, we're all growing and evolving daily. As parents we have adapted and adjusted our roles and decided the type of parent we want and will be. Every parent is different and I respect your role in your child's life, key words here are, "your life." What you do, how you are, is your choice. However, get ready for this, when your child is causing a raucous and it's disrupting my child or another, I will step in and say something. If you feel defensive or all of sudden up in arms, reverse the roles. If a child was causing duress to your child would you sit by idle? Are you the parent who's sitting by letting their child throw sand in anothers face at the park? Are you the mom who's overly cautious, how about the mom who's the peace maker, so many different types, but bottom line, no mom wants to watch their child get bullied while the other mom does nothing. I'm a firm believer it takes a village to raise a child, I'm not talking about stepping over boundaries with a strangers child, what I am saying is when I'm witnessing your child kicking sand in another child's face, you bet I'm going to look at your child and say, "No thank you, we don't throw sand" or "no thank you, we don't push." When you're sitting there allowing this atrocious behavior to occur (you know who you are) repeatedly, your teaching your child that it's appropriate to behave as a bully. Why? There are better ways to teach our children to go after what they want, we don't need to teach them how to steam role others. Our children are innocent for a short period of time, then we release them into the world (school) and pray that the children they come across aren't lost souls. Why do you feel entitled to endorse this mean kid mentality? Have you asked yourself why it's ok to have your child be the terror? Parents when you allow your child to behave in such a way, other parents pray that your child doesn't approach theirs. Why are you breeding your child to be a narcissist, this is a disservice to your child and others who have to be exposed to this behavior. You might be asking, "what's it to me?" Let me tell you, it effects all of us because it effects our children. Our children shouldn't be worried about what's going to happen to them on the playground. We need to raise our children in such a way that they don't need to recover from their childhood. Children are soft, it is not you childs place to harden our children. It is all of our responsibilities to raise our children to be a positive and active child that grows up to be a confident functioning adult in society. Our children have been observing us from day one. Who you are, what you stand for is what your child reflects. A bully by definition is, "a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate." Narcissism, "is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one's own attributes." The correlation is uncanny, the child who is taught that overpowering other children grows into an adult that believes the world revolves around them. If any of this has hit a core spot with you, it's not to late. Everyday is a new day, makes this day to shift your parenting style. We all hit a learning curve it is your choice to grow and change or stay stagnate.


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