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I was speaking to another mother this weekend and her conundrum broke my heart and posed a question for me. Why would a parent frustrate their child for the sole purpose of making their new partner happy? Why sacrifice your relationship with your child to please someone else? Being a parent means you sacrifice for your child, you make without so your child has what they need, you allow safe experiences for your child so they may grow, evolve, experience life. Why would you impact them negatively to please someone else? A fellow mom was explaining that her child has been planning to wear a certain outfit for Halloween all month and it so happens that Halloween falls on the weekend he's with his dad. The parents had decided since Moms family had an annual Halloween party that their son would attend with mom for two hours and then dad would pick him up. So far so good! Now, fast forward, dad starting seeing a young lady that has a child also which is great, however, she's decided that Halloween weekend should be spent with them and not at the party and as well she wants the little boy to dress up like her child so they can be twins. New girlfriend tells her boyfriend and he says ok, changing plans that have been set for months, then he tells his ex, sorry, we are not dropping off "Jonny" (not real name) to the party, keep his costume because we are dressing him up like my girlfriends son so they can be twins. What on earth? Why? When everything was planned, everything was agreed upon, everyone was happy, why would you change it because you want to impress your new partner? Stop and think, I'm co-parenting beautifully with my ex, my child is happy, adjusting positivity, there's balance, why would I want to make my child unhappy to please my new partner. What you're doing here is telling your child and ex that you do not care about your child's wants, needs, happiness and that you will not co-parent with your ex in order to keep your new partner happy. Instead of letting your new partner know that plans have been set and we can continue on. Talk to your new partner, let them know that you're co-parenting with your ex, let's all work harmoniously together to create pleasant environment and not a toxic one. I'm not saying tell your new partner to take a flying leap, what I'm saying is let your new partner know that you've had these plans in motion. Let's take little Jonny drop him off and when we pick up he can switch his outfit to the twinsie outfit. Let your new partner know that no matter what happens, your child will always be your child, your ex is your ex, the mother of your child and their for respect will be given and shown and you will be co-parenting with your ex for the sake of your child. In this particular case, the new woman also has a child, how about imposing a question to the new partner, "how would you feel if your ex suggested something along the lines of what your suggesting?". Why is it, when a new relationship is started the need to prove yourself to be mother/father of the year comes at the expense of your child? Take a step back and realize that being consistent with your child, will make you parent of the year with your child. Everything that you do, everything that you say has consequences, for every action their is a reaction. Make sure that reaction is a positive one for your child. In the end the constant will be positive for your child, make sure you show them respect and the love they deserve. With the holidays coming up, take a moment and think about the plans that have been set. If they need to be tweaked to keep the peace or keep your child happy, do whatever it takes. Just remember their happiness is ours. The moment you decided to be a parent you chose to put another human beings need before yours, forever and always.

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