Co-Parenting with who?
Co-parenting by definition;
"Coparenting or co-parenting describes a parenting situation where the parents are not in a marriage, cohabitation, or romantic relationship with one another. In the United States, "coparenting" often describes a parenting situation in which two separated or divorced parents take care of their children".....
I had a mom email me her story and this is were tonights blog has come to fruition. This particular mom lives next door to her ex in laws, which is a blessing and a curse.
The blessing being the kids get to see their grandparents whenever they want, the curse, her ex doesn't parent their children, he allows his parents to dictate, overrule whatever the mom has said. This is unbelievable, grandparents and or any other family member, friends, etc, need to follow mom and dads rules. They shouldn't contradict what the parent have set in place, they are teaching the child that their parents have no authority.
Co-parenting, the keys words here are, co-parenting and ex (see above definition). That means the two people who have procreated the child are working together to co-parent said child. Basically that means that outside influence isn't needed to co-parent, i.e.; grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, extended family and anyone else that's not the parent. This means that both parents need to be mature enough and understand that they need to co-parent realistically and not place demands or expectations on others to co-parent.
What I'm saying is that no one should be involved, if one parent doesn't know the answer to a situation ask your ex spouse/the other parent for help. Please do not ask others because they don't know your child, they don't want the best for your child and they want the outcome they think is right, which doesn't necessarily mean it's right for your child or the situation.
Getting others involved only creates problems, hostility and confusion.
Don't be embarrassed to ask you're ex for a solution and or talking about a current circumstance. This is not a sign of weakness, if anything it shows that you're strong enough to handle anything and that your ego isn't ruling you.
When raising children we have to remember to place our pride aside, our bitterness, failures, any road blocks we've encountered, push it aside and don't reflect them onto your child. Your child is their own person, a unique individual, they are looking for love, understanding, compassion, consistency and much more from you. That means you have to co-parent!
Co-parenting with your ex is the key to raise a healthy, well adjusted child. Bottom line, you co-parent with the person who you brought this child into the world with. No one else, be the grown up that your child deserves. Be someone they look up to, be a champion, have the lines of communication open. This will bring success into the life of your child, seeing mom and dad talking, getting along, problem solving, being present for him/her. This is all your childs wants and needs, not the anger, manipulation or the ice cream and cookies parent. That's a disservice and injustice for your child.
I promise you if you think of your child(ren) desires and not your own, you'll see a huge milestone in your child(ren) behavior. Be the voice of reason, don't involve outside influences and stand strong knowing that talking, asking questions with your ex will only cause the bond with your child to be stronger.