Is your weapon of choice, child support?
I recently had a dad share his dilemma with me. He was explaining that his ex is continuously angry at him, verbally abusive at drop offs and at pick ups, being a CEO and working an average of 80 hours a week she's stressed out . Majority of her custody time the children spend it with the nanny. His ex has blatantly expressed bitterness in paying child support because his schedule allows him to be with the kids. Onto the situation at hand, the ex is taking him back to court so they can reevaluate the custody agreement, she's requesting more time so she can lower child support. As the Non Custodial parent wanting to lower child support, threatening the other parent by taking them to court to increase parenting time and lower support is disgusting. This horrible tactic is inappropriate and incomprehensible. Don't use your child as a weapon, your children aren't leverage. If you can't be a parent with the time you currently have, why would you purposely harm your child? Shame on you for thinking that, you're paying support so your children will be finically sound. Child support is used for school, extra curricular activities, uniform, books, clothes, food, toys, anything that your child needs. So tell me why you want to take that away? Non Custodial Parent don't for one minute think that that the Custodial Parent is misusing the money, squirreling it away and having said child go without. If you see your child going without, wearing tattered clothes, hygienes a mess, failing classes, child isn't active, YES, please, take Custodial Parent back to court and request whatever is for the betterment of your child. However if you see your child is happy, healthy, full of energy, vivacious, then place your self entitlement aside and do what's right for your child. By Paying child-support you do not own your child and you most certainly can not dictate how your ex should live and what they need to do. When your actions are driven by ulterior motives, nothing good can come out it. As for the kids, they are not 3rd parties, they are a package deal. What happens between you and your ex directly affects them. If you behave in a matter of which is disrespectful, hostile and anger then this deems you as not a safe person. Therefore you are teaching your child that you are not a safe person. It's very simple: people who do not respect the other parent to their faces will not do so in the presence of the children. Children need security, the best form of acceptance and comfort you can show your children is by getting along with your ex. Ladies and gentlemen it's time we put aside or ignorance, yes, ignorance which is fueled by irrational thoughts which in turn brings on toxic behavior. When dealing with your ex, the thought process shouldn't be, "look at all the money I'm giving to the custodial parent, I'm loosing money", NO, it should be, "my ex is doing a great job with our child, our child has a roof over their head, love, support, is doing great in school, their active and happy, I'm blessed". Start seeing the good instead of the betrayal and pain, place ulterior motives aside. This isn't a game, just remember if your thought process is to hurt your ex, you are hurting your children directly. Everything you do and say will impact your child. Working together, being a team should be both parents mentality, be a parent, do what's in the best interest of your child. If I've touched a nerve and you find yourself angry at me. Stop.....breath....are you really angry at my words or are you angry at yourself for manifesting a tumultuous relationship that essentially should have been harmonious.