Build your tribe!
Building your tribe is crucial if you're a single parent. It's important to have people set in place not only for your child but for you as well.
Your Vibe attracts your Tribe is spot on. Make sure the people you position in your life are positive, strong emotionally, healthy in mind and spirit and most of all they support you theoretically. In order to attract friends of this caliber your mind frame needs to be free of negativity, hate and bitterness. It is crucial to let go of hurt, anger and hate not because you forgive the other person but you forgive yourself for accepting and believing something that wasn't real. Most importantly releasing all that negative energy that's clouding your mind and body will allow growth and acceptance of what is and what the future will hold. This will allow you to co-parent and be in the moment with your child. You are not responsible for the other parents actions, you are responsible for your own reactions and follow thru.
How to build a tribe, here are a few tips that worked for me. Go to church, I'm not saying become a bible thumper however if you choose to, then God speed. Churches have mothers groups that meet weekly with day care provided. Not only will you be surrounded by amazing woman, practice the same faith, have children your child's age but you'll be forming friendships that last a lifetime. I've found in my group of mothers we have moms night out and the church nursery will open so parents may drop of their children and attend moms night out. How great is this, our children are all together in a safe location, moms are regrouping, supporting one another, bonding and building relationships that will last a lifetime. Not only will you stay friends with your fellow church moms but your kids will grow up together, they will have a special kinship because of this.
Start going to mommy and me classes, swim, soccer, anything that involves your child. It's ok to feel vulnerable when you're standing there not knowing anyone. Leave yourself open, body language speaks volumes. Don't stand there with your arms folded, stand up straight, arms by your side or holding your baby. Smile, even if you're the first to smile, smile at the other parent/parents. It's ok to approach the other parent and start up a conversation. Remember you're vulnerability, feeling of unease, that other parent feels it also. Some moms are better at hiding it than others, you have nothing to lose.
Go to mommy events, this is crucial. Start looking around on social media what mom groups are in your neighborhood and start attending them. This is a wonderful way to meet other moms, everyone that's there wants to learn about the latest and greatest baby items, as you do as well and that's when the line of communication is free flowing. You've found a base of the conversation, a mutual interest. For example you're looking at the newest diaper bag, you can comment on the color, style, et cetera to engage the other mom.
When you’re a single parent having a tribe of close friends is crucial for your sanity, to help keep you centered, be a constant in your child life and explore the world together. Solid friends will help look out for you and your children. If you're lucky enough to find a trustworthy friend then you two may swap childcare to get some "me" time. Get your nails done, hair colored, something relaxing to recharge you.
The key here is to be truthful to yourself. How are you doing emotionally? What are your issues that you're still working on? Are you still healing from what's happened? If you've answered yes, then it's time for you to start journaling your feelings. Everyday, when you wake up think of two positive things and start out your day with those two thoughts. End your day with what happened that made you happy, brought a smile on and let go of the negativity of the day. When you start this process the other steps will fall into place. Remember misery loves company, you don't want to attract people in your life that will dim your light. You want someone who will help you shine.
Blood doesn't make you family, loyalty makes you family, family is defined by people who love you and whom we feel really close to. Build your tribe without guilt, it's ok to walk away from certain people and start over. Never feel guilty of removing toxicity from your life. I will give you a word of advice, don't delete and block an ex-friend or soon to be ex-friend on social media without warning. Meet this person in public and have an open conversation, close the relationship in person to have proper closure. Technology has made it easy to avoid another however emotionally it's healthier for us to seek proper closure to move on.
Just know in order to build new relationships we must be willing to let go of what's holding us back, be willing to take a risk and know you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Now go build your tribe!