Consciously decide to Co-Parent
You hate your ex, can't stand the sight of them and you have children involved. Let's start of by stating a fact, when a relationship deteriorates it's not a love fest. Having feelings of resentment and anger come with the territory however since you're an adult and have children it's time to start acting like one. Place aside your feelings because truthfully your emotions are irrelevant when it gets to the well being of your children. Yes, you read that correctly, the truth is brutal so buckle up, you're about to hear harsh facts.
If you choose NOT to be an adult and consciously decide to disrespect your co-parent, let's discuss how your behavior will directly affect your child and their relationship with the other parent and as well as others. As the hostile co-parent you're hurting your child, your behavior is causing irreparable damage. It's crucial for a child to have a healthy relationship with both parents. Trust and security is the foundation of a parent child relationship. Your child needs to feel loved, respected, feel safe to come to you for anything, above all they must to come to both parents in need of help before anyone else.
A child who has a solid healthy relationship with both parents is going to be more likely to have healthy relationship as an adult. Throughout your child's formative years, setting up a healthy co-parenting relationship will establish a positive attitude for your child that will help them make healthy choices on their own and come to you when they need help. When a child is young, you are creating a pattern that they will follow, make sure that healthy boundaries are established because it's vital for all types of relationships.
You're building your co-parenting relationship with your ex and as well with your child, you are leading by example. When a parent is deliberately sabotaging a co-parent relationship and maliciously trying to damage and disrupt the connection with the child, this places the children at risk and leaves them vulnerable for predators. You are leaving your child weak minded, teaching them to mistreat others by manipulation and mind games.
In today's world it's important to have a good relationship with your child. An analogy I like using is, "give your child a safety belt, parachute and a dose of antivenom to protect them from bad situations." By trying to undermine the other parent and questioning their authoritative role as the parent with passive aggressive behavior, you are single handled stripping away the other parent's right to innately protect their child and isolating your child from the other parent.
You are teaching your child not to trust and question their own parent. Causing parental alienation will leave your children vulnerable. The precedence being set and taught is that relationships are built by emotionally controlling or blackmailing others and or badgering someone until they get what they want.
It's important that you show your ex respect, at the very least in front of the kids, if you don't you'll be teaching them that they don't have to show respect. It's detrimental to instill core values unto your children. When a child respects you this builds a solid foundation for respecting themselves. Let me break it down, when respect is given it is reciprocated, without any strings attached.
Parents, don't teach your children to keep secrets from the other parent. Keeping secrets can and will cause terrible and damaging things, this will make the child weak that bad people look to exploit. A child will seek what is actively missing in their home, leaving them susceptible to the ugliness of the world. Let your child be free with their thoughts and words.
Don't for one second think that you love your child when you're mistreating the other parent. You love how you feel about yourself, this isn't the same thing. You are feeding into your own emotions and narcissistic ego. Parents that's love their child place the child ahead of them. A parent that truly loves their child will never
use a child to make themselves feel good at the child's expense.
Being a parent means that sometimes we have to endure the pain set in front of us so our children can be free of the guilt, not choose sides and can be loyal to both parents. It's hard and painful to swallow the anger but you have to, you are a parent. Did you know, when you're actively being vindictive, treating the other parent with disregard, you expend double the energy versus if you turned a complicated situation into a healthy one. Your ex partner, children and including yourself deserve so much more.
Stop attacking what you hate, what's happened to you, start promoting what you love, your child. Flourish on the fact that you have a parent that is actively wanting to co-parent, be grateful your child is healthy, be thankful that both of you can parent your children together and learn to be parents, apart. Being parents doesn't mean you have to be in a intimate relationship, it means both of you understand that you have one mission; to raise a healthy happy child by supporting one another and communicating.
The next time you want to make a snide comment or cut the other parent down, pause and ask yourself who will this help? Is this positive, would I want someone to speak to my child like this? If you answered no, then don't say anything! Silence is golden between adults, take the first step to actively co-parent. Won't happen overnight but you're headed in the right direction.